Report Time - *@#$*&^* !!!

Sometimes, I hate work!
Why do I get so damn neurotic over what the hell font I use to present a report to my board...Why was I bitching about "use of white space" in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, Pardon the hell out of me for giving a shit about my job and how MY presentations look....
The SFH got called on her "professionalism" today...wrong placement of information...blatant mistakes in data entry, wrong footnotes...etc...I could go on.
And I sat there and remembered why I bitch about white space and why I choose my font wisely...
na na F'in boo-boo...
Now go and bad mouth me tomorrow to your minions and just remember who likes me best and how I am adored by my seniors because I genuinely love them. And they know it.
Then again, you always think your right. Go ask someone else to fix your computer when you lock it up, baby.
And when the boss man defers to me because I do know what the hell I am talking about... you just do it. I have my reasons and you don't always need to have a reason right away.
And the next time I use a word that is more than 2 syllables and has a richer meaning...don't ask me to change it insinuating that my reader is stupid or ignorant. That's a slap in the face to my seniors.
I'm ranting about a woman that has no clue...the SFH. My everyday reminder of why I don't ever want to become a "little person".
Yes...I am a bitch in heels today. I went in there, did my thing, and nailed it.
And to think what I'd be like if I had worn my suit...
I better get my raise...Baby needs much more than a new pair of shoes.

Old stomping Grounds

Kill them with Kindness...

In two weeks...my college roomate is getting married and I will be returning to my college town. Now, I know that there will be people that I haven't seen for years that I miss....and I also know that there will be people there that I haven't seen in years and have chosen not to.
Oh yes...it's "ghosts of boyfriends" past time! one person in particular....is now looking much older than I...and he was much younger than I back then. And I will get to meet his wife and smile politely and nod my head like I haven't a clue what the bastard is really like. Oh...and then there's the guy that would knock on my door at midnight. Cute, but no concept of time. Or better yet, the fella that begged me to wear "WindSong" perfume because he loved it....until I found out that that is what his mom wears. He doesn't stay on my mind....
Well...I have a kicky little black dress a lot like this one and some heels and I will dress "to the nines" that day and I will sing my heart out and love every minute of it. Knowing, that everything is well in my world and I'm lovin every minute of it. Kill em with kindness. And a little black dress and heels doesn't hurt either!

On Serendipity

Listening to within...
Serendipity: Making valuable discoveries by accident.
Happy accidents...
It's my favourite word. It's a great word...one that lends hope and wonderment and explains oh so many things.
I knew that when spring rolled around, my life would be come very serendipitious. I just had this feeling. And when a person steps out of the box and chooses to be authentic...things happen. I have seen places that have taken my breath away, done things I never imagined I would, met people that have made permanent marks in my life,said goodbye to people both dead and living, sang songs, cried huge tears, and laughed a million laughs. And I have discovered so much. Funny thing, I don't think this course of discovery is over...for a long time yet.
I miss some people, I wish I could go back and see some more things, and maybe relive a few moments or two, but through it all...I have no regrets. I sigh a contented sigh.
Everything happens for a reason...everything unfolds just as it should.
And just hold on for the ride!

Underneath it all...

gives new meaning to "granny panties"
There are days for tighty whiteys and then there are days for tap pants...
And nothing is nastier than an ill-fitted thong.
Show me a granny with these little numbers and I'll betcha she's a happy gal with spring in her step and a story to tell...if she's a lady that tells, that is.
You can't judge a book by it's cover and you can't judge a person by their underwear...

Someone for Everyone

A Lovely Couple.
Someone once told me that everyone has someone out there for them. I have to agree. I sometimes shake my head and wonder, but who am I to judge?!?! Take for instance...Sid and Nancy...they had a movie about their lives for the love of Pete. ( Damn good movie also...Gary Oldham kicked in that one)
These two had a stormy relationship. The word disfunctional doesn't even begin to describe their feelings for each other. But ...they loved each other. So what if Sid accidentally killed Nancy in a heroin haze...he loved her and died a broken man after she was gone.
There was Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Henry Miller, June Miller and Anais Nin, ( yes, 3) the whole Kennedy clan's relationships, Liz and Dick, Dodi and Di, Kid Rock and Pamela... ( Ok, I'm stretching it...but you get my point.)
So when you scratch your head and wonder..."how did those two ever get together", Cupid is pretty non discriminate sometimes. And what one sees on the outside, really isn't the whole picture.
Getting pretty philosophical over Sid and Nancy, but in this day and age when love is hard to find, you have to be in awe of it nonetheless.
"Sid...Sid...."

Blind Idealism

good wishes
I have a quality that is wonderful and it has also caused a lot of hurt and heartache.
I am a blind idealist.
I look to the good of everyone and everything. And I always root for the underdog. I'm a born caretaker and I want to save the world sometimes. Thank goodness I have allergies otherwise I would have helped every stray dog on the planet.
I also believe in everything...I wear rose-colored glasses...and I always hope for the best.
In my years, I have been hurt, heartbroken, messed up, totally disillusioned...you name it ...all because of this trait.
I should be a jaded woman.
I'm not. I'm still standing. Still loving, laughing and learning.
This is me and I'm not going to change it one bit. I'll adapt, I'll fine tune, and I'll polish up. But I will not change for anyone or anything... this is one of my most endearing qualities. And this is who I am.
Don't postpone Joy...

Little sisters.

The M&M Girls...
I'm looking at the older sister and KNOW just what she had her little sister do! I know this relationship well...
I love my sister. She has the biggest heart, can write better than some of the best selling novelists, and makes me so very proud. She hides some things about herself, but then again, we all do. But I know that Love will come to her and her world will be well. Not that things aren't good now. She's got the most funny friends...true friends too. She has a fantastic job that she loves...and she's wonderful at it. And she kicks ass in Karaoke. ( Her version of "Suspicious Minds" and "Baby got Back" hold a candle to none)
She has beautiful eyes and a smile that is warm and inviting to all. I've seen her work a crowd and she has charisma. And she's great with her co-workers and customers. You should see her with the little kids during storytime...it's a whole new side to her that I love and the little ones just adore her.
Ok...she's going to kill me for gushing, but I want to brag. And she deserves some "props".
And when I saw this picture...it reminded me of the little girl that had long ringlets...and had no fear...and told ya like it is. She still does and I love her very much!
So...my baybee sista my baybee sista...can i borrow a copy of your "Hey Soul Classics?"
No my sista...you must buy your own.
Yeah MIM!

Singin the Blues

On a mission from God
This movie is the best. If you are in a funk...put it on. If you want to laugh, put it on. If you want to see the greatest car chase scene known to man in cinematic history...PUT IT ON!
Had a conversation with a friend regarding singing the blues. I love the blues. And as much as I love to sing... this blonde blue-eyed girl really has no business singing the blues.
When I saw Dave "Honeyboy" Williams in Chicago...I was so awestruck. He is the last living link to Robert Johnson and the Crossroads. Amazing...80 something and still going on tour. I think the fun part was taking a friend that never heard the blues before to hear Honeyboy. She was blown away and now loves the blues.
You just feel the stuff in every part of your being...
Now here's some thoughts 'bout singing the blues.

Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Answer "Yes" if: a. your first name is a southern state—like Georgia b. you’re blind c. you shot a man in Memphis. d. you can’t be satisfied. e. you're older than dirt
Answer "No" if: a. you once were blind but now can see. b. you’re deaf c. the man in Memphis lived. d. you have a trust fund or an IRA.e . you have all your teeth f. you were once blind but now can see
Acceptable Blues beverages are: wine, whiskey, muddy water, beer, black coffee. Blues beverages are NOT: mixed drinks, kosher wine, sparkling water, Snapple, Starbucks Frappuccino, or Slim Fast. Although Rubber Biscuits and the Wish Sandwich are famous blues snacks, better stick to common blues grub like Greasy Bar-b-que, Fatback and beans, and Government cheeze. Blues food is never: Club sandwich, Sushi, or Crème brule.
The Build Your Own Blues Singer Name Starter Kit:
a. Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, Asthmatic)
b. First name or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last name of a U. S. president (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Okay, maybe not "Kiwi"…)

Excellent names for female Blues singers: Sadie, Big Momma, Bessie, or Fat River Dumpling.
Excellent names for male Blues singers: Willie, Joe, Little Willie, Lightning, or Big Willie. Singers with names like Muffy, Sierra, Auburn, Alexis, Gwenyth, Sequoiz, Brittany or Rainbow are not permitted to sing the Blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

My inner Blues Momma....Pale Cherry Clinton ( Clinton...has a double meaning and I choose the George variety cuz I gots to have the funk)
and order me up some dry white toast...

Move over Homestar Runner!

Foamy on a rant...
Foamy is one pissed-off squirrel. His favorite word is "f**k", he loves bagels and cream cheese, and he goes off on these rants that somehow make total sense. The first time I saw Foamy...I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard. He makes Strong Bad seem like a wuss. Really.
http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html
This is the site for Foamy and his buddies at "Ill Will"
Here are some nuggets of wisdom:
On dieting...
* "stop doing all these unnecessary diets. cause ya know, once you get down to your goal weight youll say "sure, i can have an extra piece of cake! look at all the weight i lost!" then before you know it RWEEEET back on the diet cause your a$$ is fallin' out of your jeans."
* "I hate standing in line and in front of me, someone smells! And in back of me, someone smells! It's like being stuck in the middle of a funk sandwich!"
* "i hate it when a diet says you can have 3 hamburgers and a pound of bacon but you cant have an apple, because it has carbs,eeeeeeeeeee, f*ck that!!"

Dating Advice:
* AND...watch out for guys that call you by pet names more than they do your own name, and if they ever refer to you as "my girl" you drop that fucker like a rock
* My only piece of advice to have a sound relationship is to leave each other alone. Don't be overly concerned. Don't try to domineer them, Let them be independent. Let them do what they want. You think you people can understand that?
* I particularly hate are those fucking slime-balls ... that usually end up going to bars and shit like that on friday, saturday, sunday night, to see if they can pick up chicks. And all they do is walk around with these fucking stupid velvety shirts with their dumb-ass fat hairy chests exposed to the world, as if they were the sexiest thing on the face on the earth. You know what!, you're a middle aged loser, nobody wants to see your hairy chest. Either; throw yourself in front of traffic or overdose, please!. Nobody wants to hear this bullshit anymore, time for some revaluation of ones life.
* And in closing, you know it’s shit like this that pisses me off it’s just these types of people that have no "inner soul" no nothing, they just revolve around their own pathetic little world with no consideration for what’s going on around them. They have no sense or grasp of reality and really need to be taken off the face of this earth, they have no substance, they have no control over themselves...

This is one Bad Ass Little Squirrel. Enjoy!

Back in the Day...

My BIGGEST 80's Influence

A music consultant once told a friend of mine that music is the most powerful pneumonic device there is...a tune or even part of a tune can instantly transport you to the place/time where you heard that music...good or bad...AND that the music you are most likely to like or prefer is the music you grew up with between ages 17 and 22...Whaddya think?
Oh heavens…there are way too many songs to even begin to make a list…
Terence Trent D’arby – Wishing Well and Sign Your name – I hear this and I am instantly transported to Munich. Dancing in a disco with a bunch of people from Viterbo, walking through Marienplatz,
Schloß Nymphenburg (my summer residence) and going record shopping in WOM and the playing of that CD all of May in Germany.
Talking Heads – And She Was: Hanging at DJ’s…listening to Jimmy Zons’ band THE URGE and scroggin with the keyboard player. Then taking the song and playing it EVERY Saturday from January till May of 1987 as the official theme song for the DHS Forensics Team. I NEVER GET TIRED OF THIS SONG
INXS – I Send A Message – Sitting in the Dorms at St Olaf during music camp…and showing up all in black for the first day of class my senior year…new short spiky wedge haircut and a rat tail to the middle of my back. Sitting in the back row of study hall jammin with my walkman on, to this mix from "New Wave Mike" from camp
Violent Femmes – Blister in the Sun – Road trippin…State Street in Madison…Putting out the hat andJoe Kaiser playing it on his cello for money…
Style Council – You’re the Best Thing or Welcome to Milton Keynes. Sitting in Annie Pipal’s dorm room making mixes, road trip to Chicago with Mattchew and oogling Sweet Willie in the hot tub in the burbs.
Bananarama – Cruel Summer – Watching Live Aid with a major hangover.
Van Halen – Jump – Jammin upstairs with the Youth Encounter Group at a Church lock in and getting into trouble for being too loud. Make a Joyful noise…
Elvis Costello – Everyday I Write the Book – Babysitting and watching MTV and calling up a boy…
Marshall Crenshaw – Someday Someway – Learning that there were new wave rockabilly boys from the US too…and loving jangely guitar tunes. Still do
HouseMartins, Eurythmics Police, the Pretenders Cure, Echo… – Realizing that Brit Pop is where it’s at and I was the strangest creature in DHS. Black peg legs…jazz shoes, blazers scrunched to the elbows, sunglasses all the time, bandannas, moussed hair…and then changing into Molly Ringwald, wearing v neck sweaters backwards, pearls with everything, and shopping at Ragstock.
Tears for Fears – Everybody Wants to Rule the World – Ridin the Amtrak to Milwaukee and meeting my HS sweetheart on the train.
Modern English – Melt With You – Freshman year PUNK/New Wave day for Homecoming week…BRIGHT orange bouffant hair and ripped T-shirt and a jumper made out of black trash bags…it had ruffles and a bow. I was SOOO cool. Freshman year in college…. house parties at the campus apartments and dancing till dawn.
I’ve got tons of songs. This is just the tip of the iceberg…. We haven’t got to the 90’s yet!!!

More Me Now!

Sometimes you gotta dance...
I got one of those fun little surveys from a dear friend...I haven't answered one for a while so I thought I would and post it here...those of you who know me will maybe find out something new. Those of you that are getting to know me...suprise.
I am so wordy... and I do have a few that would agree with me!
Here goes it...

WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?
Martha Emily Gingras
Are you named after anyone?
Yes, My great grandmother and a character in my parent's favorite play - Our Town
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?
Black yoga pants– I always wear black. I think the majority of my wardrobe is black.
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Maroon 5, Earth Wind and Fire, Clapton a mix I made…"I’ll stop the world and melt with you….
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Scrambled eggs with homemade salsa from Fiesta Mexicana..spicy morning!
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Purple – a magic one
LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Business call - Another senior center director about the perils of parking spots and bad bingo prizes.
Personal – my old roomie from Superior. She’s getting married and I’m singing for the wedding and helping her plan.AND My mom called…hung over. She and my father went to his class reunion…2 nights of parting after 4 am…I have NO sympathy. I just told her that it "takes time and drink a lot of water. Or better yet, try a couple of tylenol and a Dr Pepper."
THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX
Their eyes…then I’ll admit…their butt.
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS?
Love her thru thick and thin
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Kinda tired, one of those sleepy days, but I feel really creative.
FAVORITE DRINK?
Diet Vanilla Coke , Peligrino.
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Wine, champagne..Passonate Kiss martini - Absolute and Chambord. Shaken and neat with a twist.
FAVORITE SPORTS?
Talking. Talking is a sport isn’t it… Ok…rugby. I think extreme sports are fun to watch. I’m a Library/Music/Drama girl - The kind that wear black all the time…sports was something I didn’t do. If there would have been a crew or swim team, I would have joined.
HAIR COLOR?
strawberry blonde
EYE COLOR?
Blue - green
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
If it’s an activity that needs to be without glasses
SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES?
Miriam - 28
FAVORITE MONTH?
I don’t know…never thought of it. Maybe June…June is busting out all over.
FAVORITE FOOD?
Warm vanilla pudding. Crème Brulee. fresh fish, chinese. Tuscan
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The Sweetest Thing, and Bridget Jones’ Diary…I was having a Bridget moment.
FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Fridays…full of fun…full of hope
ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Nope
SUMMER OR WINTER?
summer...but then winter is for cuddling
HUGS OR KISSES?
Yes!
RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Chocolate. Life is too short for just vanilla...
LIVING ARRANGEMENTS ?
Upper level apartment. Me myself and I, a couple of plants, a dead bonsai and a whole lot of books and cds.
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
PINK Think – a women's studies book on all the books and literature teaching girls to have "charm" and how to be a "woman". It's hillarious. June Cleaver stuff… and The Kennedy Women – talk about dysfunctional family!
ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Again…nope.
WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
Did some research…rehearsed a few new songs. Read, knit, sorted laundry, cleaned.
FAVORITE SMELLS?
Fresh air. – Not that nasty cooked broccoli smell that we have at the center.
CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE???
no...but it gives me a though
WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
kindness
BUTTERED, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN?
Butter and salt, but that microwave kettle corn is mighty tasty.
CAN YOU JUGGLE?
I learned for a show I was in, but then I dislocated my shoulder.
CAN YOU SING?
Yep! - like a lark
If you were to make a movie of yourself, who would play you?
Too many divas...and only one me! Take a good guess.
Do you like your handwriting?
I got "A"s from Sister Catherine in penmanship…yes.
Have you ever met anyone famous?
well…yes. Do you want me to name drop? and I’ve even had dinner with someone that Oprah admires, but hasn’t met yet! So there, girlfriend!
Do you pray?
Yes, and Right now, I’m not hearing any answers. I prefer to meditate.
Do you like sappy love songs?
I sing them!!!
Have you ever been on the radio, television, or the newspaper?
I am a media whore!
Do you trust others too easily?
Does Barbara Streisand sing?
What was your favorite toy as a child?
My record player
Do you like sarcasm?
What me…sarcastic… noooooo, not me!!!
Could you be a vegetarian?
Sure, I like vegies. I don't think it would be a problem.
Which finger is your favorite?
It depends on what kind of mood I am in.
What is your favorite lunchmeat?
Corned beef
Favorite clothing?
Warm baggy wool sweater
FAVORITE SHOES?
My dansko clogs
Most annoying thing people ask me:
Do you know…or have you heard…? I hate gossip.
Bedtime?
11:05 pm
What is one thing you've never done but want to?
Move to a foreign country and start a new life. I’m not complaining about my current life, but I’d like to move to a foreign country. I loved Europe and the lifestyle.

OK...you should know me by now.

Finding your inner "Bad Girl"

Gettin the bad girl on...

Being a bad girl isn't a bad thing...there's a bad girl inside every woman. Go back as far as you have to go to find the impish grin, the sparkly eyes , the girl with the rediculous outfits. Look for the smirk, look for the fire, and look for the little girl who didn't know enough to be afraid of her own wants. When you spot her, you'll know it.
Being a bad girl isn't about breaking the law or being a bitch. It s about being passionate, being an independent thinkier and being yourself.
Now...every bad girl has got to have a name...an alias. And having an alias is a way to go from frump to bad girl in 0 to 10 seconds. It can be silly, sassy, flashy, sexy , exotic, or whatever gives you the freedom to bust loose!
Here's how....
"BAD GIRL NAME": FIRST NAME, LAST NAME
"Dating Diva": Something sweet within sight, any liquid in your kitchen
"Girl Detective": Favorite baby animal, where you last went to school
"Barfly": The last snack food you ate, your favorite drink
"Porn Star": Name of your favorite pet, Mother's maiden name
"Soap Opera": your middle name, the name of the first street you lived
"Road Trip": what you had for breakfast, where you last peed beside the road

Ok...I'll divulge my bad girl names...
Dating Diva - Jelly Bean Dawn
Girl Detective - Fawn St Paul
Barfly - Cookie Merlot
Porn Star - Cherry Johnson
Soap Opera - Emily Waters
Road Trip - Muffin Phillips

Voila...instant Bad Girl!!! Now, just choosing who I am for the day...

Having a BJD Moment...

I choose vodka and Chaka Kahn

A few weeks ago...I dipped my toes and proclaimed that all was well.
But...Sometimes you need to regroup and rethink some things. A lot of things
Like your job, your love life, your whole intent on where you want to be and where you want to go...
Heavy stuff.
And when a girly girl like me gets her nose bumped ( nice way of saying that I'm questioning my self-esteem issues at the mo...) I question EVERYTHING. In fact, I know that I think WAY too much for my own good.
Right now, I'm having a Bridget Jones' Moment... single women my age have them. This is the time to watch a chick flick and drink a bottle of wine...yes a whole bottle. And I'm skipping the Chaka Kahn...I'm going hard core - it's Barry White time - Bum shakin, blottoed, and busty. That's me and my BJM. So I'll have a headache, but I think this is a much better way to regroup at the mo...
Now, I'll go home and... de-bunny.

One Tired Little Monkey!

Ahhhh sleep!
Today was one of those days where you just needed to curl up and go right back to sleep. Hot, humid, muggy... the lazy days of summer, whatever you want to call it. Some people might think I'm a little off....no I'm just fine. Hate this sticky weather and what it does to your sinuses and how the day seems to drag by...
But then again...To quote John and Paul:
When I wake up early in the morning
Lift my head, I'm still yawning
When I'm in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream (float up stream)
Please, don't wake me, no, don't shake me
Leave me where I am - I'm only sleeping.
And to quote the great Mim-lo
There is nothing better than your own bed. I swear to Pete that sleeping in my own bed has a Dali Lama like quality to it.
Nuff said my friend. That sounds like a mighty fine nirvana to me. So I'm gonna be that sleepy little monkey.

Parking at work!

Need I say more?

So...I decided to park in a different spot at work. You'd have thought the world was taken over by crazed homemakers wielding cheeze-wiz with olive sandwiches and lime jello.

ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!
Jeez...to quote my sister... For the love of Pete..! It's just a parking place. But no, we had a major international incident about how "Ive always parked there" and "Im the bus driver and I should have a reserved parking place" and my favorite...."Who are you to park there?" (That deserved a middle finger)
I left my car parked in its spot.
Tough hop.

Don't we have a major world events going on that are pretty horrific? Aren't there starving children out there somewhere? Isn't there a vacation I should be taking?
Well...I'll go back to my little spot on the road and let my car get pooped on, and tree crap and bugs on it. I know my vehicle is my precious POS, but dammit, it deserves some props once in a while.
And it's back to your "stanchions", ladies!