Why Didn't I get this Elective in College?

My mouth runneth over.

I've had a strange fascination with cussing for years.

My inner censor has been trained by George Carlin, mentored by Bob Saget, and finely tuned by Jason Mewes.

I work with kids from 5th grade to seniors in highschool in youth drama. I HAVE to watch my mouth even when I want to really REALLY say what is truly on my mind. (I don't think that I need to get phone calls from moms or dads telling me that they don't approve of my adjectives I use with their children)
So when I saw this... I thought of the very creative ways that I and many of my friends have used the medium of swear words. A few people come to mind and well...the thought makes me laugh and pee a little! (I'm not mentioning any names... like maybe put red hair on the cartoon girl ... hint)

So I thought of the fact that I never got a chance to take a college course like this. I mean, we did take some classes that were inane and absolutely useless, but we did them because of "a well rounded education". I truly think that this class would have been far more beneficial than my Intro to Women's Studies or that Police science course because I thought I wanted to be a cop. (Don't ask. I was having a moment)
At one time I wanted to be a teacher for English as a Second Language. I KNOW that I would have to teach a unit based on the above course. (Think Harold Ramis' character in Stripes). I remember foreign exchange students asking "what does *#&@ mean?" and having to explain, with red face, what it meant. Now...oh heck, I'll flat out let ya know what it is all about.
If you have any creative new combinations... please send me them. Asshat is getting a little old. I need something new!

HA

Stick a fork in me and call me done!

It is mid-January and I think I've had it.
It's just a "joy" to live in the north during winter. This season has proved to be truly exciting... strange stuff from the sky that makes the road greasy, ice storms that mess with your car doors, wide bands of snow that are unpredictable, downfalls of feet, and then my fave: windchills and temperatures that freeze your snot in one breath. Sorry to be that blunt, but I haven't felt that cold since Superior. Damn, I woke up and thought I was there by how cold it was in my apartment.
Like the days that I am counting until I eat sushi...I am counting the days until March 20/21 - the first day of spring.
But then again, to play devil's advocate, it did snow in April of last year and I have the pictures to prove it.
I am so done.

Messin with My PB!

I"m peeved.

I had to throw my PB Crackers away yesterday. Great for taking to lunch and not that fattening...

But due to the latest food safety issue... I had to throw the stuff away. Fine. Whatever. I don't choose to take the chance...since my fun time in the ER with food poisoning. (but the drugs were fun and insurance paid for them!)
Thank goodness they didn't mess with my Jif of Skippy.

Confessions...

1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh?
I think I would do anything to make my partner happy…how about tap dancing in a Gorilla suit???
2. Would you prefer the lights on or off during sex?
Depends on the mood we are in
3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences?
Can I be a snob…Sometimes I do.
4. If you could 'take back' your virginity from your first partner, would you?
Tough question…but you don’t get “backsides”
5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with an ex for financial reasons?
Now that is a gray area…I’ve seen it. It can really mess things up. Not a good idea if you’re not completely over it in your head or your heart.
6. Do you need to know everything about someone's past?
No, but I think knowing the major influential life experiences and some of the things that contribute to “issues” is quite helpful.
7. It is more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world?
Yes! I think that you need to do both.
8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?
Yes…I think we all have a purpose.
9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a "higher level"?
I do believe dreams are a part of our subconsciousness trying to work something out or trying to tell us something that is hidden under the surface. I’ve had dreams that have helped me to answer some questions or have prompted me to really take a look at something that I have been trying to avoid.
10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can't really talk to?
Yes. I want both.
11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection?
It might be tough being a girl..but a female body.
I DELETED 12...I'm NOT going there.
13. Do you like kissing in public?
I can kiss in public, but full on making out is just not classy.
14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?
Umm…gotta think about that. I plead the fifth.
15. Did America really put a man on the moon? Yes.
16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you?
Yep, been there done that.
17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?
Family and friends that love me.
18. How well do you handle criticism?
I do ok…if it gets really harsh, I get very defensive, but most of the time I’m alright and then I rant if I don’t agree – in private.
19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you?
I don’t know. I have but it has caused conflict.
20. When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people?
Um…not really. No. I haven’t.
21. Is it possible for full-figured women to be equally attractive as thinner women?
Yes…sometimes the full-figured woman is far more attractive. (a woman is self confident if she really accepts her body and that is very sexy.) Beauty is as beauty does.
22. You've just met someone incredible while out with friends, and (s)he's been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long would you wait to call?
A day…been there done that.
23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer?
I think their opinion should be considered, but the judge and jury will have to decide based on the law.
24. Would you have a "Happy Button" installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it?
There are some days that I would absolutely love it.
25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?
as long as the surprises aren't huge but cute little things, then surprised.
26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion?
sure, to a point that is..
27. What is sexiest on a woman or a man?
on a man.... a suit... classy well tailored suits are always attractive. A woman… If she can carry them off…definitely pearls
28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?
soul mate
29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?
Oh that question is funny! What do you think?
30. Should your mate also become your best friend?
of course
31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced?
whatever
32. Have you ever had a true one-night stand?
Yes.
33. Have you ever posed as a nude model?
for an art project of a friend.
34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things?
well good things can be interesting... i'm going with both
35. Is it better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all?
for sure.

Twisted

I did it again. I twisted my left ankle this morning.
This ankle has been giving me problems since high school. Sprain the damn thing once and you have problems for life...
So this morning, getting ready to go to my car, and in a hurry...I miss-stepped. And DOWN I WENT. (My bottom hurts too... that's where I landed.)
So, I knew, called the Ruckerman, and then wrapped that sucker and took a bunch of advil.
Not a happy girl. But then I took a nap and felt very very sore. I'm needing a massage or an allignment big time. I'm just off.

So for at least a week I need to wrap this baby up and be good.
And I was planning to go out on friday and wear my new stilletto boots. I guess the only boots I'm gonna wear are my Doc Martin's.

Damn. I think I wrote about this a couple of winters ago on the blog here... and he didn't give me painkillers then and the doctor didn't now. I still had some left from past surgery... amen.

Bring on the painkillers. I hurt. or How many martinis are equal to a vicodin?

Fell Asleep...

in my pearls.

Work has gotten me so tired, that when I get home...I check my mail, get ready for bed and then put my jammies on. Funny... I always wear my heart necklace and so I never think to take my other necklace off. But the other night, I was so tired that I fell asleep with my pearls on. I didn't know until I woke in the morning and looked in the mirror. I had a good laugh.
Always a lady!

FYI...or TMI

Yes... always a lady.

Nuff said.

That gleam in her eyes!

I'm going to start "almanacing" my years by a simple picture

I should have done this every year for the past five.

On the left... 9 pm Dec 31 2008

On the right 9 pm Dec 31 2007

Just the outfits and locale has changed. Still wearing the pearls!

And my quote for every New Year's Eve.... NOTHIN SAYS "A PARTY" LIKE A COCKTAIL WEENIE!