I betcha...

You think I'm Nutters
That I've gone off the deep end
NOPE.
Let me tell you something crazy.
It's holiday season here and we have secret snowflakes dropping off suprises. Well, a co-worker got a bag of peanut M&M's in his mailbox today. He does NOT have a Secret Snowflake. ( First - oh boy) . SO he goes and asks all of us team members and we have no answer about it. Then he goes and asks the receptionists and they tell him that a girl that came in for an interview put them in there for him and gave him her name. ( Second - Oh boy). Then he found out that this said girl has a 2nd interview for our department and might be joining our team. (Third - OH BOY)
Now why is this crazy...
ok -
1. This said Girl is an ex- girlfriend of my team member. To quote: "She's my psycho ex girlfriend".
2. This co worker is newly engaged to a lovely girl that is a tad bit jealous and if she finds out, he's in trouble big time.
3. If this said "psycho ex girlfriend" joins our team...all hell will be breaking loose.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN.
Basically I told him you have to learn how to figure out which is which...is getting peanut M&M's everyday while you are at work worth it or dealing with icky ex girlfriend from hell stuff?
He said it was a tough call.

And you thought I was loosing it.
I don't leave M&M's for people. I'm pretty blunt when I want to shower affection on someone. I make sure that they know.
I also know when to leave things alone.
I'll keep you posted on the workplace fun.

ANd oh...what am I crazy about today....
ASSHOLE LAWYERS.
They are my bread and butter, but I"m in a mood today.
Like I said, tomorrow will be just fine.
toodles....

She's come undone
She didn't know what she was headed for
And when I found what she was headed for,
It was too late
UNDONE by The Guess Who

This song came on while I was on my morning drive to work and I just flipped out. One of those paranoid moments that you think they are playing the songs on the radio just for you. It’s hit me. Everything is over, (the play, the end of a few things...) I’ve had a bit of calm and today I have the MEAN REDS. As Holly Golightly says…
“The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. Don't you ever get that feeling? When I get it, what does any good is to jump into a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness, the proud look. Nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that made me feel like Tiffany's, then... “

Well, I don’t have a Tiffany’s to just go visit and I know that I can snap out of this Mean Red phase in no time. I am coming down with a cold, a bit stressed, not sleeping well, trying to clean out my apartment and sorting out my psyche on top of it all. I’m wondering if there is something in the air at the moment.I can name a few things that I am quite afraid of. I can name some things that I am angry about. I can name some things that right now could make me cry. I can name some things that I will never be able to resolve, come to a conclusion about, end or have the last word over. ( I don't like NOT having the last word - me the word girl that I am) I can name some things that I will never have the chance to say goodbye about or to.

I had a good chat with some women friends today…they keep me balanced and they reminded me of what is truly important. This “Sad” crap has to stop. Maybe it’s just because the weather is turning – like I said… something might be in the air. Then again my “year from hell” is soon over. And when it is...oh there will be rejoicing. So, am not going to come undone. It just feels like it and then tomorrow I’ll end up writing something that makes me so very happy…like Hot Chocolate on a cold day, giggles, a genuine smile, and free lunch.
Free lunch is always good.
See…I’m getting better already.

When You can't put it into your own words...

Just borrow someone's lyrics.
Try this one on for size...

BETH ORTON
Sweetest Decline
She weaves secrets in her hair
The whispers are not hers to share
She's deep as a well
She's deep as a well

Another day wastes away
And my heart sinks with the sun
A new day's dawning
And a new day has not yet begun
So, anywayThere I was
Just sitting on your porch
Drinking in your sweetest decline
Your sweetest decline

What's the use in regrets
They're just thing we haven't done yet
What are regrets?
They're just lessons we haven't learned yet
Another day draws away
And my heart sinks with the sun
It's like catching snow on my tongue
It's like catching snow on my tongue

So, anywayThere I was
Just sitting on your porch
Drink in your sweetest decline
The sweetest decline
What are regrets?
What are regrets?
They're just lessons we haven't learned yet
It's like catching snow on your tongue
You can't pin this butterfly down
Can't pin this butterfly down

Ok...so there it is
I Know I am deep as a well and you can't pin me down at the moment. Don't ask me to explain. I'm having an off day.

What's been playing on my set list...

You know how I feel about songs and how they can change my mood, reinforce my viewpoint, or just plain old boost me up. I categorized them for better understanding of mood. I could comment on all of them, but for lack of space, I won’t. This is what I’m currently listening to:

“EFW” Songs
Does He love You? Rilo Kylie ( Number One with a bullet)
Love Has No Pride – Bonnie Raitt
The Hurting Time – Annie Lennox
Waitin In Vain – Annie Lennox
Obsession in my Head – Suede
Call and Answer – Barenaked Ladies
I Never – Rilo Kylie
Sweetest Decline – Beth Orton
I’ll Miss You Till I meet you – Dar Williams ( Sweet song)
Secret – Maroon5
Temptation-Diana Krall
Are You Having Any Fun? – Tony Bennett ( The lyrics are perfect for a workaholic significant other)
Dreamsome – Shelby Lynne
When Lights go Down – Darkstar
Bend and Break – Keane
Untouchable Face – Ani DiFranco ( I would love to sing this!)
Sticks and Stones – Divine Comedy
Misread – Kings of Convenience
God Give Me Strength – Elvis Costello with Burt Bacharach
Why Should I cry for You – Sting
If I Start to Cry – Holly Cole
Blame it on my Youth – Jane Monheit ( My theme song)
I'm Not in Love ( Just Because) 10cc (I'm not in love...so don't forget it. It's just a silly phase I"m going thru...)

Songs Because I Still Believe in Love:
Fly Me to the Moon – Tony Bennett
The Way You Look Tonight – Tony Bennett
Love is All I Know – Chrissie Hynde
The Luckiest – Ben Folds
Follow You; Follow Me - Genesis
Let my Love Open The Door – Arthur Yoria (Acoustic Cover!)
God Only Knows – Beach Boys
Someone Like You – Van Morrison ( My song of Hope)
Kissing – Bliss (Sensual)
Northern Sky – Nick Drake
That’s All – Michael Buble

Songs Because I am Just fine and I can’t help but be happy listening to:
Great Weight Lifted – Trashcan Sinatras
Positivity – Suede
Perfect – The The
Blackbird – Beatles
Love Will Come to You – Indigo Girls
Leisure Suite – Feist
Let’s Groove – Earth, Wind and Fire
Yeah Yeah – Georgie Fame and The Blue Flames
Bye, Bye Pride – The Go Betweens
King for a Day – XTC
Alex Chilton – Paul Westerberg
Martha, My Dear – Beatles
The WHOLE – Motown REMIX Album - ABC and Tears of A Clown are my current Faves, but the smooth jazz version of “Let’s Get It On” is especially lusty.

It's that time of year again!

Guess what kids? It's survey time!!!! Believe it or not some of the questions are different and some of my answers have changed.
What time is it? 4:00 pm
1. Your name as it appears on your Birth Certificate? Martha Emily
2. Name most people call you? Martha, Marfa, Marda, Mart
3. Parent's names? Mommy and Daddy, or J. Henry and Sharon. Don’t call my mom “MA” – you can call her the “War Lord” but not MA
4. Number of candles on your last birthday cake? NO cake. And I don’t think that candles would be a good thing.
5. Favorite music group? Is this a trick question?
6. Favorite animal? Monkey. Or ZOMBIE!
9. Tattoo?. A pink daisy
10. Where did you put it? My left big toe.
11 Piercing? Just my ears at the moment.
12. Birthplace? Prairie du Sac, WI.
13. Favorite vacation spot? Somewhere I have been—Grand Canyon/Arizona Desert, Dream Vacation—London, or a week at the Guest house on the big island of Hawaii, Weekend Retreat—Madeline Island
14. Ever Been to Africa? No – never thought of it...
15. Stolen any traffic signs? Nope. I behaved. Amazing, huh?
16. Ever been toilet papering YES! He he
17. Ever been in a car accident? Yes, I had a roll over after an ice storm. I’m very happy to be here and the sheriff’s deputy is still amazed I’m singing and dancing.
18. Croutons or bacon bits? Sunflower seeds.
19. Salad Dressing? Raspberry vinaigrette
20. Favorite Pie? Right now…mmm.. I like some banana crème at the moment.
21. Favorite Number? 3 is still a magic number.
22. Favorite Movie? OH you have to ask…the list is huge and it depends on my mood. This list is going to be a separate blog listing and why I like them.
23. Favorite Color? Purple and pink
24. Favorite Holiday? Come on??!!!??? Valentine’s Day, of course.
25. Favorite food? Warm vanilla pudding. At the moment, I’m digging on comfort food.
26. Favorite restaurant? I’ve been in a Mexican food mood. I still love Shanghai Bistro, Mona Lisa’s and Kincaid’s in St Paul is my absolute to die for gastronomic Disneyland.
27. Favorite fast food restaurant? Culvers
28. Favorite drink? Coke, Coffee, Water, Hot milky Earl Gray Tea,
29. Favorite ice cream? Coldstone Vanilla or their Banana flavored, but the Raspberry crème from Culvers has to be divine.
30. Favorite day of the week? Monday Monday…can’t trust that day. Monday’s have got to be alright; full of hope and chaos. It changes.
31. Favorite brand of body soap? Dove
32. Favorite TV shows? You know…I don’t have cable anymore but I borrow some DVD’s of shows. I adore “Sex in the City”. I ‘get’ it now. I like the food channel, Biography on A&E, Mim has me watching the Gilmore Girls and Tucker tells me that I have to watch “Couplings” from the BBC
33. Toothpaste? Crest
34. Most recently read book? Ummm….I’m still in the middle of “Nicholas and Alexandra” (about the last Czar and Czarina of Russia) and started “Shopgirl” by Steve Martin. I read “The Confederacy of Dunces” last month and that was just plain bizarre.
35. Favorite Smell? Roses, that shower clean smell, the first day of school smell,
36. Favorite Sound? Genuine laughter, the stereo in my new car playing some lush tune, the waves rolling in on the lake.
37. What do you do to relax? Um…I plead the 5th.
38. When was your last hospital visit? When I got my bee sting…or my panic attack. Just ER visits. God, where’s the cute doctors like George Clooney and shit when you’re feeling icky.
39. How many times did you fail your driver's test?! None! Take that MIM!
40. What do you do when you are bored? I wish I could get bored.
41. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theater? Wedding Crashers. My gut hurt after I left the theatre because I laughed so hard.
42. Eye color? Blue…they get green when I cry.
43. Love someone so much it made you cry? I cry. Simple as that…I cry.
44. Favorite flower? Pink Roses, Iris
45. Favorite sport to watch? Wal-Mart Shoppers The day after Thanksgiving
46. Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney
47. What color is your bedroom carpet? Green shag. I miss the purple shag of the love nest…but oh well, green shag.48. Before this one, from who did you get your last email from? Work: A lawyer telling me he can’t make a deadline. Personal: Tony telling me about his new CD
49. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Realistically….Apple Store or IKEA. In my dream world…the stores on Michigan Avenue. I would love a new bauble from Tiffany’s and a pair of Manolo Blahnik pumps.
50. Bedtime?? 11:05 pm.
51. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? Annie in CZ or Angela Merkel
52. Last person you went out to dinner with? Gina
53. Duct tape or just Rope? Duct tape fixes everything but the concept of rope just gets my mind thinking WAY too much.
54. What are you listening to right now? The hum of the humidifier and flamenco guitar music.
55. Lake, Ocean or river? Lake to look at, Ocean to swim and look at, river to look at and float lazily on while drinking beer
56. Which came first? God or Evolution? GOD
57. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? I’m just posting this
58. Furthermost place you'll send this message- Shoot, I am not sure who reads my blog. But if you are a stranger (as in I have never met you before and you just stumbled upon this site) let me know where you are from.
59. Who will respond the fastest? No bloody idea
60. Least likely to respond? Tony Blair
61.What time is it now? 4:20. HE HE HE

Things you are asked.

WTF were you seeing Michael Flatley for?
Are we on Hennipen Ave? Yes.... CLICK ( the sound of the car door locks)
Two of the many questions asked this week....
He he
More to come.

You never promised me a rose garden...

I used to think of all the billions of people in the world, and of all those people, how was I going to meet the right ones? The right ones to be my friends, the right one to be my husband. Now I just believe you meet the people you're supposed to meet.
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, The Quest, 1995

So to all of you that follow my blog…I give up. Yes, Miss Romantic is giving up. Well, ok…for the moment I’m giving up.I have taken a breather. I got involved with the play, which was wonderful and I love those children so very much, but I have been so busy working with them that I forgot the source of my unhappiness and have felt a bit more contented in my own skin.Then again…I’ve been looking at this blog and thinking – “Holy Crap (not the word I really used) I am such a Drama Queen when it comes to romance and a love life. It’s beyond Bridget”It takes far too much effort for me at the moment to be neurotic. Really. I’m just tired of it. And I think that those of you who are vicariously living this with me by reading my blog know what the hell I’m talking about. I’m just done.I think that the fact that I have two really good women friends that remind me – quite often by the way – that I just need to keep going one step ahead at a time. Now mind you, some of my steps are tippy-toe steps and some have bobbles and weaves to them, but nonetheless, I’m moving ahead.
I’m tired of tears. I’m tired of this bright ray of optimistic hope that is really nauseating to me right now. Sure, that’s part of what makes me so endearing, but I’m now looking at things a little more Zen and a little more concrete and clear. Oh, I know that someday my prince will come, but I’m not really working towards that goal anymore. It’s just easier. Being so very very busy the last 8 weeks has really been healing. I haven’t had time to think about the shitty things. I haven’t had time to wallow in the fact that I opened myself up to something because I made the choice to do it. I haven’t had time to feel totally sorry for myself or really angry with my silly choices. And for once, I have had enough time behind me that…it really doesn’t matter at the moment. I know that my feelings are important, but why dwell on shit. Shit doesn’t magically turn into a rose garden. You have to plant your bushes, trim and prune them, feed them and pamper them so that they can bloom. You only add the shit to make them bloom bigger. I guess you have to deal with some shit to get a really pretty blossom. I’m working on my rose garden. Funny thing, I realized that I’m stronger than I think and I deserve so much more. So, I’m picking and choosing what I want and if it gets stinky…I walk away. Or like I did 2 months ago, I got on a plane flight home and didn’t look back. It hurts sometimes. And if the person is reading this…no, you aren’t shit. You’re pretty wonderful, but timing is off. We have made our choices and all of them are for the right reasons. I respect and commend you for that. And you’ll always hold a place in my heart.