You never promised me a rose garden...

I used to think of all the billions of people in the world, and of all those people, how was I going to meet the right ones? The right ones to be my friends, the right one to be my husband. Now I just believe you meet the people you're supposed to meet.
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, The Quest, 1995

So to all of you that follow my blog…I give up. Yes, Miss Romantic is giving up. Well, ok…for the moment I’m giving up.I have taken a breather. I got involved with the play, which was wonderful and I love those children so very much, but I have been so busy working with them that I forgot the source of my unhappiness and have felt a bit more contented in my own skin.Then again…I’ve been looking at this blog and thinking – “Holy Crap (not the word I really used) I am such a Drama Queen when it comes to romance and a love life. It’s beyond Bridget”It takes far too much effort for me at the moment to be neurotic. Really. I’m just tired of it. And I think that those of you who are vicariously living this with me by reading my blog know what the hell I’m talking about. I’m just done.I think that the fact that I have two really good women friends that remind me – quite often by the way – that I just need to keep going one step ahead at a time. Now mind you, some of my steps are tippy-toe steps and some have bobbles and weaves to them, but nonetheless, I’m moving ahead.
I’m tired of tears. I’m tired of this bright ray of optimistic hope that is really nauseating to me right now. Sure, that’s part of what makes me so endearing, but I’m now looking at things a little more Zen and a little more concrete and clear. Oh, I know that someday my prince will come, but I’m not really working towards that goal anymore. It’s just easier. Being so very very busy the last 8 weeks has really been healing. I haven’t had time to think about the shitty things. I haven’t had time to wallow in the fact that I opened myself up to something because I made the choice to do it. I haven’t had time to feel totally sorry for myself or really angry with my silly choices. And for once, I have had enough time behind me that…it really doesn’t matter at the moment. I know that my feelings are important, but why dwell on shit. Shit doesn’t magically turn into a rose garden. You have to plant your bushes, trim and prune them, feed them and pamper them so that they can bloom. You only add the shit to make them bloom bigger. I guess you have to deal with some shit to get a really pretty blossom. I’m working on my rose garden. Funny thing, I realized that I’m stronger than I think and I deserve so much more. So, I’m picking and choosing what I want and if it gets stinky…I walk away. Or like I did 2 months ago, I got on a plane flight home and didn’t look back. It hurts sometimes. And if the person is reading this…no, you aren’t shit. You’re pretty wonderful, but timing is off. We have made our choices and all of them are for the right reasons. I respect and commend you for that. And you’ll always hold a place in my heart.