Who's walking the Mall...

So I'm walking down the mall...and I hear squealing. Not a real biggie due to the fact there's a super new cool playland for the kids.
No, these were ADULT WOMEN squealing.
And at what I didn't know. I just walked past them and walked past a guy, not much taller than I, tanner than a new pair of shoes and in a baseball cap. Kinda good lookin and a nice ass.
I look at him, smile and keep on going to my sister store. (I'm on a mission to buy a dress...and one on sale at that!)

I stop on my way to say "Hey Cowboy" to my friend, Ramiro at the Western Store . I'm outside the store and still in the mall and the baseball capped man walks past me, thinking I was talking to him, and with a bit of an accent, said "Hey right back" and winked.
DAMN I am so glad that I wore my cute yoga/gauchos and tight top that looks mighty cute and positivly accentuates my ass and tits according to my girly, Jillian.
Ramiro walks to the front of the store, gives me a hug, tells me "you look good girl" (yes, the cowboy fetish has turned into a career) and said, DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT WAS THAT WINKED AT YOU?

Me, dumbfounded and gleeful that a pretty attractive guy said HEY back, said "Um, No.
Ramiro said - That was Kenny Chesney, Girl. He thought you were saying Hey to him and not me. Good for you.
I said "What the Hell would Kenny Chesney be doing at the mall in Eau Claire?"
And then I realized it was Country Fest and maybe the guy needed a new cap, shirt or something you can find at the mall.
Then I said, Shit, why isn't he buying a new pair of boots from you. I'd keep him entertained while you helped him with his boots.
And then he walked in the store.
HOLY BRIDGET JONES MOMENT

Face to face with the guy that married the woman that played my alterego.

I hugged Ramiro and told him to "Go sell, Darlin. I'm off to buy me a new dress" and then winked at Mr Chesney and smiled at his bodyguard. I can't be near musicians of any sort. They are my kryptonite. (Yes, Mark, I left the store. I can proudly still wear a "Bastard Musicians" tee)
Now, I hear he can be nice and also that he can be an ass. But Renee Zeillwiger nicknamed him "the horse".

I don't know much about country music anymore and I really don't listen. (ALT - Country is a WHOLE different thing - Yeah WILCO!) but they say...Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Sweet Gooey Guilt

Ding Dang.
Jumbo Honeybuns.

yes, JUMBO Honeybuns.

My hometown has a wonderful bakery and I am a sucker for a good pastry. Their glazed donuts rival anything from Krispy Kreme.
Well...while shopping for groceries - which you should never ever do while hungry - I stumbled upon these lovelies and they are cheap.
So, on the way home from EC, I ate the said Honeybun and damn...they taste so very very good. Really, for a pre-packaged, preservative laden treat this was mighty tasty. I fould taste the ingredients and lets just say I know there was some forbidden fat in the recipie.
Then I got home

Then I read the nutritional facts. To quote Diablo Cody - Sweet Bride of Fuck!
600 calories.

Six Hundred F'ing Calories. And Palm Oil...which has been known to instantly clog a major artery.

Now losing 40 lbs and still at it has made me more than aware of what is going in my mouth,but this was a bit too much for me. Needless to say, I watched everything I ate the next day and even walked the mall twice. I got on the scale and I'm fine, but damn...it was a scare.

Needless to say, there will be no more honeybun feasts for me for a long time.

Sick Part 2

I remembered a few more things from my stay.

Gotta love the fact that you were in a starvation haze to forget things...

I found out that the nurses laughed and thought it very decadent, as well as almost totally subversive, that I had a ham sandwich.
WHY, YOU SAY?
Well, the hospital is owned by Seventh Day Adventists. They don't eat pork of any sort. (Shit, I didn't know that I was in a Kosher hospital. If I would have known, I would have asked for a nice Corned Beef on Rye, a big pickle and maybe some noodle kugel. And a nice single Jewish Doctor to boot!)
well, I didn't realize that I broke a rule until long after the fact the sandwich was eaten and the ham stench was gone. I was just told and well...maybe if I'm ever back in, I'm gonna have her bring me Pork BBQ

And I also had a triple Type A nurse. She went BY THE BOOK and even monitored - as she said - my "BM's"
Baby Jesus on a trike!
I'm not even 40 and you're worried about my bowel habits. So she comes in and tells me that if I don't have one by tomorrow, she will order something from my doctor to make it happen. Well lady... If you haven't figured it out yet, I haven't eaten in 5 days. NO INPUT EQUALS NO OUTPUT.
Now, i know that I can't physically handle a "bowel stimulus" so I up and order 6 prunes.

Yes, Prunes. I called a friend that regularly monitors his bowel habits ("Can't Talk! Gotta Poop.") and asked him what would be good. Prunes was the answer.
So, the kitchen sends up prunes. Not 6 but 12. Now, I'm hungry and the first 2 tasted good, I'm watching Food Network and I thought what would this hurt?!?

Well, about 3 hours later, I knew what would be hurting.
WARNING - YOU WILL NOW KNOW FAR TOO MUCH ABOUT ME AFTER THESE NEXT FEW SENTENCES

The gas started. I wanted to run away from myself. I actually flagged myself getting out of bed and I thought I was gonna die. You would think that my room turned into the Valley of Perpetual Stench.

Well, I knew that the nurse was going to come and see me one more time and being type A, I got her schedule. I looked at the clock, layed one down, and waited. Less than a minute later, she was there to take my vitals and ask if I had a bm yet. All of this with a sour look on her face. HE HE HE. (Pull my finger, Beyoch)
With the sweetest grin on my face I said, "No, but the prunes are working"
And with that, she left the room.

I end that story there. I've divulged far too much as it is.

That's the hospital update and I'm done with that. Now, I just wait for the bill.

Sick

I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago.

I had a nasty nasty kidney infection. My temp averaged 102 for at least 4 days. Not fun.
I did originally go to the dr and the antibiotics didn't work... and I was home, hallucinating with NPR, and dreaming that John McCain was wearing lederhosen and I was busy packing up clothing for Zimbawe
So...I finally saw Dr Rucker again and he took one look at me and said that it is time for me to go next door., meaning the hospital next to the clinic.
So I put on a lovely gown, was so dehydrated that they had to poke me 4 times before they got my vein for an IV and just watched cable tv.
You know...if you haven't eaten for 5 days and only drank Sprite, watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives and wanting BBQ. Not good.
So My friend, Gina smuggled me in a ham sandwich, because the food was nasty. And thank goodness I was given all the sprite i could drink.
AND i barely slept in the place. Old people coughing a lot, being woken up every 3 hours and the first night I was there, the lady across the way got up in the middle of the night, pulled out her IV and went to the bathroom. They were talking loudly to her - read YELLING - and trying to get everything back together for her, but they didn't bother to close my door. So the first night I was there....I got about 3 hours of sleep and couldn't sleep for the whole day. I chewed ass (I said to the charge nurse..."All you needed to do was close the door") and proceeded to spend the day watching Food Network, TLC and Turner. I watched movies, tv and whatnot.
Finally on Sunday...I got to go home. Tired and finding out that I had to go to work the next day. Too fun.
Im better now. Tired...and still getting back to 100% but I'm better
Oh yeah...I also found out that you CAN fuck up jello. (Thank God for Toast and Sprite)

the "he's Mine" - Boyfriend Game.

Now, My sister, Mim, would play this game "He's Mine". We'd call dibs on a cute celebrity and they would be ours. We fought a bit, but we traded here and there and eventually we have our personal lists. But we still have some trade outs...

But here's a new one
The Boyfriend List...
My Lifetime Boyfriend: Colin Firth
My Long dead boyfriend: Gregory Peck
My Boyfriend I'd not date due to morals and ethics: Donny Osmond (He's happily married and just too nice)

The boyfriend that is probably a jerk, but I'd still date him: Sting

My Redneck Boyfriend: Earl, from my name is Earl
The boyfriend that is way too young for me: Daniel Radcliffe

My Gay Boyfriend: Rufus Wainwright
The Boyfriend that is way too old for me: Paul Newman.
The boyfriend that would be way too high maintenence: Anthony Bourdain
The Boyfriend It Would Never Really Work Out With but I'll Never Meet Anyway: Robert Downey Jr
And the girl I'd give up men for: Portia De Rossi.

Ok...that's my list. MMmmm....enjoy the eye candy